Kent Brockman news application

[Tommy_Gavin]

IC:
Character name: Kent Brockman
Date of birth: June, 06, 1966
Phone number: 83378
Address/general location (optional):


OOC:
Names of any alts you have/had on SZR: Tommy Gavin
Previous roleplay experience, including other servers (optional): Fire Chief and level 6 admin AWO server, Fire Chief and level 4 admin Gangs of Los Santos server
Will your news character be your primary character? (optional): Alt 50/50 with Tommy Gavin

IC:
A brief description of what brought you here. (Was it a recommendation? A wanted ad? Simple whimsy? Something else?):Simple whimsy

A brief description of why you feel you'd be an asset to our team (feel free to include relevant skills and/or achievements): I feel that I speak and write well and I think doing the news will be fun.

An example of your writing in the two formats ((Article format, no less than 50 words, and in-game /news format, no less than 7 lines. See below for examples. Update: Wackiness (being outrageous) won't get you hired, and please try not to report on the common subjects - Nurgle, UFOs, combat situations, action stories, etc. Made up interviews will NOT be accepted.)):

Article: Santa Never Showed So Man Burns House Down
Los Santos, SA (SANews) -- A man who was angry that he got no presents for Christmas burned down his parent's house early the next morning, police said.

Chris Bell, 22, was charged with arson and risking a catastrophe in the blaze that destroyed his family's home, Los Santos police officer Max Lion said.

``He was irritated that his family gave him no presents for Christmas,'' Lion said.

No one was injured in the fire, which started at 2:25 a.m. Thursday.

Police said Bell told a friend that he was angry on Christmas Day when he didn't get any presents. He voluntarily checked into All Saints Hospital on Thursday under the state's voluntary commitment law, but later signed himself out and walked eight miles home, police said.

He told police he saw the flames in the distance, but officers said his jacket smelled of smoke and they found a lighter in his pocket and a gas can under trash bags and bins about 10 feet from the front door.

Police said Bell admitted his involvement to officers and threatened and spat at them while in custody and also spat at San Andreas District Court Judge Elroy Jones during his arraignment Thursday evening.

``So what if I burned my house down?'' Bell asked during the proceedings. ``It's my house.''

Jones set bail at $1 million and had Bell transferred to the San Andreas County Jail in Los Santos. It could not immediately be determined whether he had an attorney.


/news Good evening Los Santos, this is Kent Brockman reporting live
/news I'm here at the scene of a horrific house fire allegedly set by the son of the owner
/news I've been told by a LSPD spokesperson that Chris Bell set his parents house afire
/news due to not receiving any gifts for Christmas. Bell has reportedly admitted to setting
/news the blaze and was found in possession of a lighter and smelled of smoke by LSPD
/news Bell also spat at the arresting officers and at the District Court Judge.
/news Bell is being held in lieu of $1 million bail at the SA county jail in Los Santos
/news More on this story as it develops.


Any additional comments (optional): None at this time

[Ari_Papadopoulos]

One more in-game formatted example that actually uses proper punctuation at the ends of sentences, please.

[Tommy_Gavin]

/news This is Kent Brockman reporting live, from outside LSPD headquarters.
/news We have just learned that local man Andy C, has turned himself into authorities.
/news The latest information is that he allegedly murdered his wife.
/news He apparently doused his wife with gasoline and tossed a Zippo lighter at her.
/news LSPD spokesperson says he walked into LSPD HQ and told the desk sergeant,
/news that he wanted to turn himself in. When the desk sgt. asked what for,
/news Mr. C said he had lit his wife on fire and lifted his hands to reveal severe burns.
/news Mr. C was transported to All Saints Hospital and released into police custody.
/news He remains in custody at the Los Santos City Jail, no bail has been set as of yet.
/news LSFD spokesperson reports that they discovered the charred remains of a
/news female at the C family home on Magnolia Street in Los Santos.
/news The identity of the victim has not yet been released but is presumed to be Mrs. C.
/news We will keep you updated as this story unfolds.

[Ari_Papadopoulos]

/news This is Kent Brockman reporting live, from outside LSPD headquarters.
/news We have just learned that local man, Andy C, has turned himself into authorities.
/news The latest information is that he allegedly murdered his wife. According to the LSPD,
/news he doused his wife with gasoline and tossed a Zippo lighter at her.
/news A spokesperson for the LSPD, says he walked into LSPD HQ and told the desk sergeant
/news that he wanted to turn himself in. When the desk sgt. asked what for,
/news Mr. C said he had lit his wife on fire and lifted his hands to reveal severe burns.
/news Mr. C was transported to All Saints Hospital and released into police custody.
/news He remains in custody at the Los Santos City Jail, no bail has been set as of yet.
/news LSFD spokesperson reports that they discovered the charred remains of a
/news female at the C family home on Magnolia Street in Los Santos.
/news The identity of the victim has not yet been released but is presumed to be Mrs. C.
/news We will keep you updated as this story unfolds.

Blah, fixed your grammar a little and then gave up. Willing to work on your writing skills? If so, you're in.

[Dom]

Oh, Gavin, I found what you're talking about.
The grammar part is basically just the number of commas, I see alot where they are not needed. Just use them when you pretty much NEED a comma, and it seems if you fix that according to Ari you're in.