Jen_Hasengwa asian reporter Application

[Cowgirl_Smith]

IC:
Character name:Jen_Hasengwa
Date of birth:1972 That would make her twentie, I think
Phone number: 817142
Address/general location (optional): Near pig pen((noob spawn))


OOC:
Names of any alts you have/had on SZR: Cowgirl_Smith
Previous roleplay experience, including other servers (optional):I was a news reporter in GAY ENCOUNTERS IN BATHROOMS till I found out I didn't like there rp
Will your news character be your primary character? (optional):50/50

IC:
A brief description of what brought you here. (Was it a recommendation? A wanted ad? Simple whimsy? Something else?):As a young girl and young adult, Jen has seen many asian reporters who would actually have to get in on the action and she decided that she wanted to be like them, since she was asian, and liked to get into trouble.

A brief description of why you feel you'd be an asset to our team (feel free to include relevant skills and/or achievements):I can get in dangerous spots and out of them fast, I would be a great up close and personal reporter

An example of your writing in the two formats ((Article format, no less than 50 words, and in-game /news format, no less than 7 lines. See below for examples. Update: Wackiness (being outrageous) won't get you hired, and please try not to report on the common subjects - Nurgle, UFOs, combat situations, action stories, etc. Made up interviews will NOT be accepted.)):

Article: Good day los santos, this is Asian reporter Hasengwa to bring you the latest news, it appears that there has been a recent theft of many stores across the eastern and northern parts of los santos, many have reported that they saw the windows busted through and what had seemed men running in the stores to grab the merchandise, when they would exit, they would scream some sort of "battle cry", ...tune in to ls news to hear the latest updates with this story and many more

/news Greetings los santos, this is Asian reporter Hasengwa to bring you the latest news, live
/news Right now I am investigating the streets of western and northern los santos,
/news to find out as much as I need to know about these recent robberies,
/news I have gathered so far it must be one out of three street gangs,
/news and when I find out more, I will be glad to tell the citizens of ls,
/news one more thing...Wait a second, I am getting reports that at this very
/news moment a local twenty four/ seven store is being robbed,
/news I will make my way to the scene and inform you all what is going on,
/news It seems *streetgang* is the street gang who has been robbing and harrassing many stores
/news They are holding hostages inside of a northern los santos 24/7
/news I advise all citizens to stay away, more as this developes

Any additional comments (optional):I am ready to be told what to do to fix up my app, or literature, thank you for taking the time to read

[Banjo]

While your /news -article is nicely structured, it does not have a lot of content.
Same goes for the newsroom-article, ok-ish structure, but no real content!
You should definitely try adding a bit story to the whole plot.

I tried correcting your articles, but I gave up! Currently it's a no for me, however you could write another IG and Newsroom article. That might change my mind!

Good Luck!

[Cowgirl_Smith]

While your /news -article is nicely structured, it does not have a lot of content.
Same goes for the newsroom-article, ok-ish structure, but no real content!
You should definitely try adding a bit story to the whole plot.

I tried correcting your articles, but I gave up! Currently it's a no for me, however you could write another IG and Newsroom article. That might change my mind!

Good Luck!

I'll give it some more thought tommorow, I was tired today, I really would like any help though

[Dom]

I'm gonna go with no, she's a bitch on her alt 'because she can be'.

[Banjo]

I'll give it some more thought tommorow, I was tired today, I really would like any help though

Alrighty, I'll correct your two articles, and re-write them so they sound like grapefruity.

Article: Wave of Robbery Continues
Good morning, I am Asian Reporter Jen Hasengwa.
Latest figures show that the number of robbed stores across Eastern and Northern Los Santos has risen dramatically. Store owners claim that the group of robbers first broke through the windows, grabbed the merchandise and then upon leaving the store yelled some weird phrase [that I cannot remember].
[HERE IS WHERE YOU ARE MEANT TO PROVIDE DETAILS, which is why I have to make up some rubbish (should be longer than what I wrote)]
So far twelve stores have been victimized, including a Drive-Thru Cluckin' Bell. No casualties have been reported so far, however property damage rises into the Millions. Police are still investigating, with no suspects yet imprisoned, if you have a clue that might help the LSPD solve this crime, don't hesitate to contact them at 911.

<< Your original newsroom article was not a newsroom article. It was more like an in-game style report, jammed together.

/news Hello hello, Los Santos! This is Jen Houseshoe, bringing you your News Update, live.
/news As the current robbery wave continues, I have decided to investigate these crimes myself.
/news The crime scenes include Northern and Eastern Los Santos, which also is the hometown of several criminal families.
/news Information, gathered so far, helped me conclude that it must be one of the three dangerous Street Gangs, that host here.
/news Of course, I will keep you updated about new information being received!
/news We have just received a call, reporting that a 24/7 Store is being robbed right at this very moment.
..
/news The "*streetgang*" is holding hostages inside a 24/7, locally known as Yoshimart.
/news Citizens are advised to stay away from the area. More as this develops!

Something like that, although I must say that your topic isn't too creative. I suggest coming up with a whole new plot, and rewriting your whole application. If you decide to pursue this application, please post both news formats [again] as a reply.

Good Luck!

[Tommy_Gavin]

IC:
Date of birth:1972 That would make her twentie, I think

Fortunately for you, math is not a requirement for a news reporter. You would be 38, not "twentie". It's twenty by the way and spelling is very important. Also I have serious reservations about your maturity level on your other alts. Sorry, but for now I say no, unless you're reworked application is much better.

[Chris Hansen]

Sorry no Asians

[Ykraiina]

Sorry no Asians

Agreed.